Children's Birthdays:

Hosting Children's Birthday Parties

• Send invitations at least two weeks before the party.
• You don't have to invite every kid in your child's class or activity group but be discreet about handing out invitations if you aren't inviting all member of a group. Mail invitations or deliver/hand them out yourself. Don't give them to your child to distribute in front of kids that aren't invited.
• If you can't figure out how many kids to invite, some experts suggest the optimal number of kids to invite to a party for a child under 8 years old should not exceed the child's age. So invite not more than the child's four closest friends if they are turning 4, five if they are turning 5, and so on. Parties for very small children typically consist of just family members such as siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins.
• It's alright to call those who don't RSVP to find out if they are coming or not but don't be rude about not receiving a timely RSVP.
• Teach your child to be gracious to guests. As soon as they are old enough to do, they should greet guests, say goodbye to guests, and of course, always thank guests. It might be a child's special day but that doesn't mean they should be allowed to act like a diva. The host (child) should interact will all guests and display good manners (as much as can be expected of a child depending on their age). Chances are your child won't be the picture of perfect manners all the time (you know how kids are!), but you should at least attempt to teach them and have them follow social graces whenever possible.
• Don't be surprised if you get a younger sibling tagging along with the invited guest or have a parent hanging around when you were expecting them to leave. Being as specific as possible on your invitations might help avoid these situations. You can try to limit the number of unexpected guests by stating only the invited child's name on the invitation. This implies the child should be dropped off alone. If you want parents to stay add "and parent/s" or "and family" to the invite. But even if you send out a detailed invitation people may still do the opposite of what you were expecting. You'll have to incorporate any extra kids that show up in to the festivities so make sure you have extra goody bags and party supplies. Don't be afraid to ask any extra parents who've decided to hang around to help out with the party.
• Don't plan your child's dream party without a back up plan. Make alternate arrangements in the event the unexpected happens such as a no-show entertainer or inclement weather. Confirm all your plans the week before the party. Don't talk up the entertainment before you are sure it will all happen as planned.
• There are no rules against playing competitive games. Just make sure you also include crafts or other types of cooperative games (think scavenger hunt) where everyone can participate and come away with something. Try to orchestrate the competitive games so that each child has a legitimate chance at winning at least once. You can give away prizes for competitive games but don't make the prizes over-the-top. Don't give away something like the most sought after toy around. Make sure all guests leave with some kind of trinket or goody bag (whether or not they win or participate in any games) so that no one goes home empty handed.
• Handle an out-of-control child (party guest) by giving them something to do, distract them. If redirecting an unruly child doesn't work, and no other parents on hand are able to distract them or curb the behavior with niceness, remove the child from the area and let them know a call to their parents to come pick them up will be in order unless their behavior changes.
• If you plan to open presents at the party, make sure you let your child know ahead of time the appropriate way to act if they open a gift they don't like. Let them know it's the thought that counts and to be gracious even if it's not what they wanted. Sign up for your ReGiftMeNot GiftBox and tell all your friends and party guests about it so your kids get the stuff they really want! You can also choose to not open presents at the party and avoid any embarrassing reaction your child has to a gift given by a guest who didn't use ReGiftMeNot!
• If your child gets multiples of the same present you can return the ones not needed if there was a gift receipt included. It's not considered polite to ask a parent for a receipt if it wasn't included. You also probably don't want to mention the fact you returned the gift unless you know the parent well. Even then, it's better to thank them for the gift that was given and avoid commenting on returning the item just to make sure you don't offend anyone. Next time avoid these awkward situations by using your ReGiftMeNot GiftBox to let everyone know what presents your kids want and what they already have!
• If you don't want kids to bring gifts, write "no gifts" or something to that affect on the invitation. Another alternative is to have an exchange where each guest brings something like a book. All the party guests then exchange these gifts and take them home. This is also a good way to make sure everyone goes home with something.
• As with any other gift-giving event, your child should send a thank-you note to anyone who gave them a present. If you child isn't old enough to write, have them draw a picture or color the card to personalize it. Sending thank-yous is the polite thing to do and can also be a fun exercise for kids just learning to write. Additionally, it teaches them at a young age about proper manners and the value of gratitude, lessons that will serve them well later in life. Handwritten thank-you notes for any occasion are always best, but other forms of thanking, such as via email or telephone are also considered acceptable these days. Any thank-you should include the mentioning of the specific gift given and something the recipient liked about it, in addition to thanking the person for attending the party (unless they weren't there but still sent a gift). Each thank-you should be personalized and tailored to the recipient, not just a card with a stock saying.

Attending Children's Birthday Parties

• If the party is for children 3 or younger, parents are expected to attend the party with their invited child. If the party is for children over 3 and you aren't sure if parents should attend, ask the host when you RSVP (unless the invitation says "and family" or similar, which means the whole family is invited).
• Always RSVP in a timely manner (provided the invitation calls for an RSVP). Let the host know if you will be attending or not and the person/s who will be in attendance.
• If your child is invited to a party and ends up not going, you don't need to send a gift. If the invite was from a close friend or relative giving a gift might still be expected and would be a nice gesture, even if your child doesn't attend the party. Have your friends and relatives sign up for their own ReGiftMeNot GiftBox to make shopping for them (and their kids) fast and simple. Everyone gets the things they want and you avoid the awkwardness of guessing what to buy for the in-laws or the children of those ultra-picky parents!
• Unless they have also been specifically invited, do not allow siblings to tag along with the invited child to a birthday party. If you are also attending, it's generally considered ok to bring an infant sibling, but older siblings should not come along. It is also considered rude to ask the host if a sibling who wasn't invited (other than an infant you'd have to bring with you) can attend the party.
• If you are attending with your child, be sure to offer your help to the host. More than likely s/he'll politely refuse any help, in which case you don't need to keep pestering or offer again. If you are asked to help, stick to any directions given and don't be intrusive. Always ask before you use things such as kitchen equipment or a child's personal items like changing tables, sippy cups/bottle, and high chairs.
• Don't be late and remind your child of the proper way to act when they are a guest at someone's house. Remind them of proper table manner (chew with mouth closed, don't throw food, offer to help clean up, etc.), tell them to say "please" and "thank you", and let them know how to treat other's things (don't put feet on or climb the furniture, ask before using items, don't draw on walls, share toys, etc.).
• Remind your child that the gifts are for the birthday girl or boy and they aren't to be played with or touched once opened (unless the guest of honor offer the toys to them to try out). In case the birthday girl/boy does offer the toy to your child, remind your child to try it and then give it back. Tell them to be respectful, don't "hog" any toys, and especially DON'T break them!
• Encourage your child to participate in any activities at the party and remind them to be a good sport if there are competitive games. If they can't participate remind them to watch the events with interest (instead of sitting in a corner by themselves rolling their eyes at everyone).
• Be sure to put a card or tag on the gift a child brings to say who the present is from. You don't want the host to have to guess and it will help the parent keep track of who sent what when it comes time to write thank-yous later.
• Pick your kids up on time! Make sure your child thanks the host for inviting them before leaving.

Adult and Milestone Birthdays:

Milestone birthdays typically celebrate reaching an important age. For kids and young adults this might be the first birthday or turning 16, 18, or 21 (ages with some new rights usually attached in the teens and twenties). More commonly, a milestone birthday refers to that birthday for adults which marks the passage of time and the continuation down the road of advancing maturity (aka "old age"). Adult milestone birthdays usually begin at age 30 and occur every decade thereafter. At age 30 is when people start to think it's fun to throw you an "over the hill" party. Most milestone celebrations center around a theme of humor and old age. Black party decorations and items often associated with advancing age (adult diapers, reading glasses, dentures, etc.) are common. Gag gifts are very popular for milestone birthdays but the sense of humor and demeanor of the recipient should be carefully considered before loading up on joke presents for that next milestone party! See the etiquette suggestions below for some recommendations on adult and milestone birthdays.

• Send invitations at least two weeks before a party.
• Gifts are not mandatory at adult birthday parties and it's considered rude for the host to ask the guests to bring a gift. Getting a gift or bringing a card is still a nice gesture though.
• Tell the guest of honor to get a ReGiftMeNot GiftBox and have them fill out a Registry with all the things they want if they expect people to buy gifts. Let everyone know about ReGiftMeNot (just not on the invitation)!
• If you don't want people to bring gifts, indicate "no gifts" on the invitation. Perhaps in lieu of real or expensive gifts you'd just like guests to bring a fun or gag gift if they'd like. Specify that on the invitation with "gag gifts only" or something similar. See below for advise on giving gag gifts.
• The giving of gag gifts is generally frowned upon, etiquette-wise anyway. They may seem funny to you but could very well be embarrassing, hurtful, or offensive to the recipient. Thread lightly in the world of gag gifts. Keep jokes tame, playful, positive, and fun, not humiliating. Make sure you know the person you're planning the gag for really well before you go through with it and skip any jokes if the guest of honor doesn't have a good sense of humor. Don't give gag gifts that will cause guests to laugh at the guest of honor's expense.
• Respect people's wishes. If someone says they don't want a party, don't throw them a party.
• It's alright to host your own birthday party, just don't ask the guest to pay for it.
• If you are hosting a party, you are expected to foot the bill. Don't send out invitations to people and ask them to pay a fee for their meal and/or gifts. Asking guests to pay for part of the party is super tacky. If you can't afford the planned party then, re-plan, invite fewer people, or consider having someone else host the event who can better afford to. One exception to not asking guests to pay for anything at an adult birthday party is when a bar will be provided. It is appropriate to put "BYOB" or "Cash Bar" on an invitation and ask guests to pay for their own alcohol when everything else (food, non-alcoholic drinks, location, decorations, etc.) is being provided by the host.
• Asking for "Cash Only" instead of gifts on an invitation is tacky. Don't do it. You could spread the word you'd just like money for your birthday, but don't list this on an invitation or ask for cash directly.